


Changes

by BouquetOfDeadFlowers



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, F/F, Femslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 09:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3129356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BouquetOfDeadFlowers/pseuds/BouquetOfDeadFlowers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was something missing, an emptiness within her that nothing except for one person could fill. (AU, Beta Universe Roxy and Jane)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Changes

"Rose has been a handful lately," Roxy stated as she let out a soft sigh, looking down into her wine filled glass. Her reflection stared back. "I think it started after she hit puberty. You know how teens are. She became so irritable, we just don't stop fighting."

The woman was sitting in a comfortable armchair, sipping wine slowly as flames in the fireplace kept dancing and cracking softly. Her mind was a little hazy from all the drinks she'd had and eyelids heavy as she gazed lazily at the woman that sat across from her.

That woman was her closest friend she'd ever had and, on Roxy's opinion, simply the best person ever. That woman always knew how to deal with all kinds of things, how to handle various situations and could give a wise advice. She was supportive and simply amazing.

And as Roxy knew for a fact, very loving and gentle.

Jane only smiled in response, not minding at all how the words came from Roxy's mouth slightly slurred.

"I believe you're right, honey. She's growing up and becoming a young lady." Jane paused to sip her drink as well, though it was tea instead of alcohol. "It's hard to grow up. Try to understand her, it's confusing for anyone to live in this world, especially for a teenager. She needs support, so try to give her that."

That was a valuable enough advice.

Still Roxy sighed in frustration.

"I would but I just don't know how. She doesn't share anything with me. She's always either doing something on her laptop or reading those weird books." The woman huffed.

"Oh dear, I know you and your daughter have had this issue for a while."

Roxy nodded. "Somehow it's hard to express affection towards her now. It's like she rejects me."

Jane smiled. "Maybe try giving her something? Some simple but lovable gift. Something she'd like. Perhaps it will soften her aittutde towards you."

Roxy snorted as she played with her glass, tilting it to the sides and making the wine roll around in circles. "Tried that. She always assumes that it's just me— how she calls that? Being passive aggressive."

The older woman laughed softly and shook her head at the foreign term. "Oh, kids." She continued chuckling, apparently very amused by the concept and choice of words made by Roxy's daughter.

Roxy smiled. After all the years she'd known Jane that woman had never changed her positive attitude while Roxy tended to get depressed from time to time. In this case she'd usually use help of a drink to calm her nerves.

Jane seemed to be above it all. No matter what life threw at her she dealt with it with a smile.

Though of course the woman still had changed throughout the years. Just like Roxy did. When Roxy had met her for the first time, Jane was much more... alive. Despite the age difference, back then they both were young enough, full of energy. Jane was so open to everything new, including new people, one of which was Roxy. She welcomed Roxy in her life with open arms.

Despite her already rather mature age, Jane always used to look much younger her years. On Roxy's opinion, she looked simply amazing; she even attempted to flirt with Jane when they first met, unaware of the age gap. But even upon discovering her real age it didn't drive Roxy away because she already found herself enchanted. Jane was so full of energy and was so lively like no young person was, including Roxy herself. Being near Jane was like basking in sunlight. She emitted love and positve vibes that made Roxy's stomach flutter and causing her to feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Roxy assumed it was because of that dedication to humour and Jane's positive attitude in general. The woman prefered to laugh things off rather than to grieve over them.

They'd spent all these years being very close. Much closer than anyone would assume, closer than what they both claimed to be to everyone around, more than best friends. They spent a lot of wonderful times and nights together. But time kept passing and things kept changing.

By now Jane wasn't the same as she was years ago. Her black hair had lost its color turning nearly fully grey, her face was engraved with many wrinkles that mostly gathered around her eyes and mouth. Jane's back and legs caused her problems, she was less active, moving and walking slower than before at her own newly found pace she was comfortable with. Her hands seemed to be very fragile, breakable, and Roxy knew that her sight was getting worse. Not so long ago Jane was still pretty lean as she always used to be and by now she'd gained some excess weight.

It wasn't that Roxy liked her less because of all this. Jane definitely had changed, but she still was the same Jane and she was attractive. To Roxy she was simply the most beautiful person ever. But things tended to change.

At some point they'd lost some of the intimacy. Their relationship went from romantic to platonic, from sexual to close friendship. It wasn't that Roxy didn't desire her anymore. People could say whatever they wanted, but Roxy still felt that fire burning deep within her, just most of the time subsided to the soft flame. Sometimes it came back to life and Roxy would bite her lip at the thoughts that crossed her mind and she couldn't help it.

No, it wasn't that she didn't desire her past lover anymore. But it seemed as though Jane was drained. As though she'd lost a big amount of her energy and retired to some state of lethargy. Sometimes to Roxy's horror she almost looked like she was withering but whenever Jane smiled or laughed it brought a sense of relief to Roxy because Jane still was very much alive. And yet she indeed looked like a retired old woman. She _was_ a retired old woman now.  An old woman that needed peace, not a middle aged woman that sought a sexually active partner.

No, the problem wasn't that Roxy didn't find her attractive anymore. It was that it was _J_ _ane_ the one that wouldn't desire  Roxy as much anymore and wouldn't want their relationship back. That it seemed as though she was... too old for this even. Roxy didn't want to be a disturbance in her calm life.

They never really openly talked about it, it all just happened by itself. Just as naturally as was the process of changes with Jane growing old.

"Roxy, dear," Jane's voice spoke, pulling Roxy out of her thoughts. The younger woman forced herself to look at her friend. "Don't dwell on it," Jane said, apparently thinking that Roxy still was worried about her daughter.

The older woman smiled and reached her hand to put it on top of Roxy's. She squeezed it gently. "Rose may become a problem child eventually but she'll grow out of it, you'll see."

At this gentle touch and that soft smile Roxy felt warmth fill her again and her stomach flutter. She smiled as well.

"Oh, thank you Janey, you always know what to say to make me feel better," she said honestly.

"You're welcome." Jane patted her hand. "Whenever you feel bad or need an advice you always can come to me."

"Yeah," Roxy nodded and glanced at the clock.

It was already getting dark. As good as it was to stay at the place where Roxy felt like home or even better because her house always felt lonely even with her daughter, it was probably about time to leave.

"I think it's getting pretty late so maybe I should go. And I bet your boys are tired of having me around." She smiled. "I already come here very often. _Way_ too often. "

"Oh dear, don't ever worry about it." Jane waved her off. "They most certainly don't mind. Besides, they have their own things to do and isn't their nanna allowed to have a chat with a good friend?" she chuckled.

Roxy smiled. "I guess."

"Although I do agree and you'd better go probably. You've already had quite a few drinks and you seem pretty drowsy to me."

"True."

They both got up and went to the door as Jane got Roxy's coat and handed it to her. "But you always can come whenever you want and you know that. I always have some wine stored specially for you."

Roxy put her scarf on. "You're too kind, Janey. You'll spoil me," she giggled.

"Not at all. Also you may want to get to know my son better. He's a good man and I think it's about time he found someone who'd be a great companion to him." Roxy wasn't sure whether she imagined it or not but Jane winked. "Besides, you two are of the same age."

"Yeah..." Roxy agreed absent-mindedly, not truly wishing to be the daughter-in-law of her past lover. She put on the coat and started buttoning it up. She cracked a smirk. "He's pretty handsome actually. Good job, nanna."

Jane chuckled. "I know."

As Roxy got dressed she grabbed her purse and the two looked at each other. They both smiled.

"Well then," Roxy started and stopped as a finger brushed the corner of her lips. It made the woman freeze, but the touch was gone as quickly as it appeared.

"Lipstick," Jane explained. "You smeared it because of the glass I think."

Roxy bit her lower lip, a habit she couldn't get rid of no matter how hard she tried. The thing she did when certain kinds of situations occured.

When inappropriate thoughts entered her mind.

Jane was just smiling, looking at her all innocently. Completely unaware of what thoughts had been gnawing Roxy all evening and that in all reality she didn't really come to complain. She simply badly wanted to see Jane.

The older woman was completely unaware of the fact how badly Roxy wanted to lean in and claim those lips right now and right there. Not even for a passionate kiss but just intimate one. Just wanted some closeness. To feel the softness and warmth of the other's body.

She couldn't resist the urge and moved closer... but as she saw surprise in those eyes even through her drunken haze, as she saw those eyes widen, Roxy cursed mentally. No, she couldn't do that. She wasn't allowed to, didn't have the right. She had to stop crushing on someone for years who couldn't give her what she wanted. She had to stop being so ridiculous like some naive schoolgirl.

So Roxy just moved a little to the side and instead of the lips she placed her kiss on Jane's forehead. "Bye, Janey." She smiled.

Jane opened the door for her and held it open, smiling as well. "Goodbye, Roxy. Have a good night!"

A good night sure was something Roxy wasn't going to have. As she walked away from the Egberts' house what she knew for sure was that it was going to be another night spent in company of various alcoholic drinks that were supposed to comfort her but never could.

There was something missing, an emptiness within her that nothing except for one person could fill.


End file.
